I often share articles about my life lessons but I never really shared what actually happened or what experience led me to that realization. On this article, I am sharing a very personal story, not to make other people feel bad but for people who can resonate to this story know the one important thing that they should give themselves.

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I once read something that made me pause. It said, ask a person to name the people she loves and she will start listing them off—her mother, father, partner, children, siblings, and friends. But rarely, if ever, will she mention herself.

That hit me hard.

Because if you had asked me that question years ago, I would have done the same. I would have named my family, my better half, my friends, the people I would drop everything for. The people whose happiness I put above my own. But I wouldn’t have thought to say my own name. It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind.

Maybe because for most of my life, for me, love meant giving. It meant being there. It meant showing up even when I was exhausted, understanding even when I was hurt, forgiving even when I wasn’t ready. It meant sacrificing things that made me happy so someone else could have what they wanted. Love, to me, was a quiet kind of selflessness, the kind that put others first and myself last. And I did it willingly, believing that was what love was supposed to be.

Until something happened. There were a couple of occasions that brought a big realization to me and it changed everything.

There were very important people in my life who made me realize a painful truth—no bond, no history, no kind of relationship can guarantee that love will be returned the way you give it. Whether they’re your family, your significant other or your friend they will hurt you if they want to - no matter how big your sacrifices are, no matter how deeply you love, the sad truth is there’s no assurance that they will do the same for you.

And that truth broke me in ways I never thought possible.

After giving my all, after making choices that put them first every time, after giving up things that mattered to me just to make sure they were okay, after setting aside what I want for myself so that they can have their way, I was handed with the biggest heartbreak I had ever known. The kind that doesn’t just hurt… it shatters. The kind that makes you question everything.

And the most painful part? It wasn’t just about love.

I realized that no amount of love means anything when there is no respect. Because I can endure many things—I can forgive mistakes, I can understand shortcomings, I can overlook flaws. But I cannot and will not, tolerate disrespect. I always believe that love without respect is empty. It is unreliable. For me, you didn’t love at all if respect did not exist.

And that was my biggest wake-up call. Love should never make you feel small. It should never make you question your worth. It should never make you feel like you are disposable. Because the moment someone stops respecting you, they have already stopped valuing you.

Somewhere along the way, I started to feel something I couldn’t ignore. A tiredness that no amount of sleep could fix. And then, the hardest realization of all—some of the love I had given so freely was not being given back. It took losing parts of myself to realize that love was never meant to be a one-way street. I had poured so much of myself into others that there was nothing left for me.

There were days when I ask myself, how could a person do that? How can they take everything I gave and still choose to hurt me? And then it eventually changed, one day, I just stop asking, one day I just stop feeling anything at all; not hate, not anger, but also not love. Just… nothing.

Maybe that’s what happens when you give too much. You don’t just lose the love you had for them—you lose pieces of yourself too.

And that’s what I’m trying to do now—pick up the broken pieces. Find the parts of me that I left behind while I was so busy loving everyone else. I had to remind myself that love, REAL LOVE is not meant to drain you. That love should NOT LEAVE YOU EMPTY.

No one was put on this earth just to be a giver, to consistently make themselves small so others could take up space. We need to understand that loving others should not mean abandoning yourself…

So, I started asking myself the hardest question: What if I loved myself the way I loved them? What if I demanded the same respect I so freely gave? What if I set boundaries instead of always saying yes? What if I stopped accepting the bare minimum, or I stopped making excuses for people who wouldn’t do for me what I had done for them? What if I took up space, let myself be seen, let my own dreams matter as much as everyone else’s?

It wasn’t easy. After years of putting myself last, loving myself felt unnatural, even selfish. But I kept reminding myself: I deserve this too.

And so do you.

Valentine’s Day is often centered around expressing love for others, but let this be the year you don’t forget about yourself. Because the truth is, the longest and most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.

So, here’s a reminder: love yourself the way you love others. Set boundaries, your time, energy, and emotions are valuable. Not everyone deserves unlimited access to you. Loving others doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself every time. Your needs matter too, so do not feel guilty whenever you say “no.” LYou also must learn to stop settling for the bare minimum. You deserve more—more love, more effort, more respect. Don’t accept less than what you give. Lastly, take care of yourself. Rest when you need to, treat yourself with kindness, and prioritize your own well-being.

If no one has told you this lately, let me be the one to say it: You deserve to be loved the way you love others. You deserve kindness, patience, and effort—not just from them, but from the person who has been there for you through it all: yourself.

Tell the people in your life that you love them—but don’t forget to add yourself to that list. Say your own name, and say it first.