TOTGA: A Lesson in Missed Chances

We all have a “one that got away.” For some, it’s a person—a love story that never fully unfolded, a connection that slipped through our fingers. For others, it’s an opportunity—something we didn’t pursue because of fear, self-doubt, or the comfort of staying where we were.

I remember my TOTGA. Not a person, but a moment. An opportunity that felt too big for me at the time. I had the chance to take a leap in my career—an opportunity that could have challenged me, grown me, and possibly changed my path. But I hesitated. All I think of where the what ifs – “What if I fail? What if I won’t meet their expectations? What if I’m not good enough?” And so, I let it pass.

Looking back, I often compare it to the feeling of losing “the one.” Much like that missed opportunity, the one who got away could have been “the one” if only I was brave enough to pursue it. Sometimes, I wonder: What if I had fought harder? What if I had dared to believe in the possibility?

The truth is, fear is the common denominator in both stories—the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown. And it’s that fear that keeps us from reaching out, from saying yes, or from giving it one more shot.

All those times that I caught myself asking those what ifs, I realized a few things.

First, I realized that trying and failing is far better than never trying at all. There’s a particular kind of regret that comes with wondering what could have been. It lingers, gnawing at your heart. Failure, on the other hand, teaches us. It builds resilience, sharpens our instincts, and helps us grow.

I saw opportunities are like people—they want to be pursued. Just like the person who might be your “one,” opportunities don’t wait forever. If you hesitate too long, they’ll find someone else brave enough to take the chance.

Lastly, I’ve come to a realization that even a “loss” can teach us about ourselves. The lesson isn’t in the missed opportunity or the failed love—it’s in understanding why we didn’t act. When I think about my TOTGA, I know it wasn’t the project itself that I feared. It was my own self-doubt.

If I could go back in time, I would do things differently—not because I know I would succeed, but because I know now that the act of trying would have been worth it. The same way you’d want to confess your feelings to someone you care about, even if there’s a chance, they might not feel the same.

So, here’s my challenge to you (and to myself): Stop waiting. If there’s something you’ve been holding back on—an idea, a dream, a conversation—give it a try. Even if it scares you. Even if the outcome is uncertain. Because sometimes, the only way to truly know if it’s meant to be is to take that leap of faith.

Don’t let your TOTGA be the thing that defines you. Let it be the lesson that pushes you to be bolder, braver, and more willing to take a chance on yourself.

Who or what is your TOTGA? And what has it taught you?